[3 of 5] 4 Neurochemicals That Feed the Anxious-Avoidant Trap
Updated: May 31, 2019
If you find yourself caught in push-pull relationships with partners that you can’t seem to get away from, no matter how unhealthy you KNOW the relationship has become, you may be caught in the anxious-avoidant trap.
In this trap in which one of two conditions is typically present…
The first is one person is always playing the cat, or the chaser, and the other is always the scared mouse, or the runner.
Typically the cat or the chaser struggles with an anxious feeling of needing constant reassurance from their partner that they are loved and needed and won’t be abandoned.
Often times, every waking thought is consumed by the relationship and or the desire to anticipate and satisfy the needs of their partner, with little thought about whatever their own needs or desires might be.
The mouse or the runner, struggles with avoidant feelings. Usually they are uncomfortable with and fearful of deep levels of intimacy, because they have learned that intimacy can be either unpredictable, threatening, or a form of over-control. Usually the chaser prefers to keep their partner at a distance in order to feel safe in the relationship.
The second condition, is that both partners take turns being the cat and the mouse.
Throughout the course of the relationship, they tend to polarize one another to either end of the spectrum, and so, it is not only a cat and mouse game, but also an endless roller coaster that feels impossible to get off of.
I believe both ends of this spectrum, whether it is a form of anxious reaching, or love avoidance, are expressions of love addiction.
Whether it is hot or cold out, you are still talking about the temperature.
If its up or down, you are still focusing on direction.
If it’s in or out, you are still addressing a state of containment.
If it is separate or together, you are still discussing optimal proximity.
If it’s wanting or rejecting love, you are still talking about love.
Two ends of the same stick.
But I also think romantic love is an addiction, in general.
This is a belief bolstered by a variety of research neurological research, probably the most popular of which comes from anthropologist and brain researcher, Helen Fisher.
It’s also been my own personal experience.
What we really have to do, is redefine our basic understanding of "addiction."
Today, is day 3 of our 5 part video series in which we are exploring the phenomenon of the anxious-avoidant trap.
*Today, we will look at 4 Neurochemicals That Feed the Anxious-Avoidant Trap
*And tomorrow, we will examine The Role of Fantasy and Avoidance in the Anxious-Avoidant Trap.
*On day 5, we will look at 3 Ways Anxious & Avoidant Partners Push Each Other Away.
If you would like to watch the other videos in this series, you can find them below:
[1 of 5] The Anxious Avoidant Trap: A Case of Like Sees Like: https://youtu.be/i2Pf3U1W-ZQ
[2 of 5] 6 Signs of the Anxious-Avoidant Trap: https://youtu.be/Kw0YMwKb6xo
[3 of 5] 4 Neurochemicals That Feed the Anxious-Avoidant Trap: https://youtu.be/Hf9DtzrGw7M
[4 of 5] The Role of Fantasy in the Anxious-Avoidant Trap: https://youtu.be/5iwwgh8XmP8
[5 of 5] 3 Ways Anxious And Avoidant Partners Push Each Other Away: https://youtu.be/vBojJVwAykc
Below is our Live Q&A Series to address all of the questions that came up from our followers throughout this series:
[LIVE Q&A] [1 of 5] "A Case of Like Sees Like..." https://youtu.be/B84mWhzDtTc
[LIVE Q&A] [2 of 5] "6 Signs of the Anxious-Avoidant Trap..." https://youtu.be/cOx9NXBalio
[LIVE Q & A] [3 of 5] "4 Neurochemicals that Feed the Anxious-Avoidant Trap..." https://youtu.be/6FlhtHXmpxY
[LIVE Q &A] [4 of 5] The Role Of Fantasy in the Anxious Avoidant Trap: https://youtu.be/x9ZF7NNlrhs
[LIVE Q&A] [5 of 5] 3 Ways Anxious and Avoidant Partners Push Each Other Away: https://youtu.be/eroD8H4EEtA
Want to learn more about attachment?
What if there were a simple solution to your most painful relationship problems? Gain insight into your love life, in 4 questions, when you take this attachment style quiz!
Take the quiz: http://bit.ly/4LuvStylesFB
In love and abundance,
Briana MacWilliam ATR-BC, LCAT
Licensed and Board Certified Creative Arts Therapist
Author, Educator and Reiki Practitioner