5 Truths About Ghosting That Will Help You Move On
Updated: Mar 6
Last month we discussed the behavior of ghosting, which is when a partner simply and silently drops off the map and doesn’t cleanly or clearly end a relationship. (If you missed it, you can watch it here: Why do they ghost me? + 3 Steps to Magnetize Lovers with Staying Power.
We also reviewed several psychological studies that showed there is a wide range of reasons why people ghost, from convenience to safety, physical attractiveness, to not wanting to face a confrontation.
But a study published in 2019 suggests that our acceptance or abhorrence of this behavior largely has to do with our beliefs about relationships in general, and these beliefs fall into two categories, destiny, and growth.
If you're a strong believer in destiny, it means you think that the outcome of a relationship is more set in stone. It's either going to work out or it's not. If you think like this, you might believe that you have a soulmate, someone who is fundamentally a perfect match. Or fundamentally not a good match. This is the mindset that most insecurely attached individuals have. Because it is rigid, inarguable, romanticized, and subject to external conditions.
On the other hand, if you're a strong believer in growth, it means you think relationships can grow over time. If you think like this, you probably believe that all relationship hurdles can eventually be overcome. This Is the mindset that most securely attached individuals have. Because it puts an increased sense of agency and possibility in your own hands. You would have to believe you are capable of change, and your partner is capable of change, in order to believe in growth. And, of course, you would have to believe you are worthy of those changes.
It appears that people with stronger destiny beliefs, when compared to people with weaker destiny beliefs, were about 63% more likely to say that ghosting was an acceptable way to end a long term relationship. Presumably, because people with stronger destiny beliefs are often quicker to end relationships when they don't think it's a good fit.
Alternatively, these results could be related to whether participants thought they could be friends with someone after a breakup. If they didn't, they might not have cared as much about how that person responded to being ghosted.
Now, in that livestream event, I suggested that the first of the three steps to magnetizing lovers with staying power who won’t ghost you, is to reframe the story of ghosting and what meaning it carries for you. And since you will never know the other side of the story, this is a supremely important step to stop the habit of obsessing over what you can never know, or control.
And so, to assist you with this reframe, today we tackled 5 myths about ghosting and debunked them with the truth, so you can have an easier time moving on.
If you have ever been ghosted, or had a friend that was ghosted, or been the ghostee...you are not going to want to miss this livestream replay!
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In love and abundance,
Briana MacWilliam ATR-BC, LCAT
Licensed and Board Certified Creative Arts Therapist
Author, Educator and Reiki Practitioner