Can Avoidant Partners Change? 3 Major Obstacles for Rolling Stones [Avoidant Attachment]
Updated: Mar 6
Have you ever noticed that whenever you try to practice all that sage advice about being “emotionally honest” and “authentic” with your partner, they typically do one of three things:
Accuse you of trying to make “it all” about you
Accuse you of criticizing them
Completely shut down or disappear without explanation
Super frustrating, isn’t it?
And it can leave us feeling pretty damn confused.
A member from my online community asked a question about this recently, which I think many people can relate to...
“So, I’ve noticed with my ex that whenever I expressed a feeling with her, expressed a need, or was assertive in any way she would feel put off and call me mean or say that I’m asking someone to protect my feelings. She would essentially shut down. What is that? Is that codependent or just boundary issues? Why can’t she hear me out when I talk about something beyond the surface or was vulnerable about something?”
This is a common trait of avoidance, and it does stem from boundary confusion.
When we grow up in systems that teach us to abandon ourselves for the good of somebody else, or that we are responsible for somebody else’s happiness, we assume when someone else expresses an emotion that it is automatically a criticism of us.
For those that experience avoidance, they have learned to cope with that type of invasion by deactivating attachment mechanisms; which is basically disconnecting or rejecting connection.
That is because for these individuals, they have learned that to connect means self abandonment. or failure and criticism. But we all need to connect! And so, you can imagine, this is a painful cycle to fall into.
Thus, for individuals that struggle with avoidance, they have 3 major obstacles to overcome, if they are to reap the benefits of a loving and reciprocal connection, without fearing a loss of self identity and personal freedom.
To learn more about these three obstacles, make sure you watch this fifteen minute livestream event!
And if you would like to learn about avoidance in even greater detail, checkout this FREE downloadable checklist and assessment for how to determine what type of avoidance you, or your lover, may be struggling with.
Download your checklist here: http://bit.ly/AvoidancePDF
I hope you enjoy the video, and be sure to comment in the thread with your thoughts and experiences for our livestream Q and A!
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In love and abundance,
Briana MacWilliam ATR-BC, LCAT
Licensed and Board Certified Creative Arts Therapist
Author, Educator and Reiki Practitioner