[Insecure Attachment] How to Make Amends
If you have ever struggled to make amends after a tough breakup, or wanted closure from a relationship that ended poorly, you’re going to want to read this email.
Today's topic was inspired by the following question posed in my online community...
"Once someone has realized the way in which his/her own attachment style has contributed negatively to the way the relationship played out, what can one do with the feelings of remorse and the desire to make amends, especially if your partner is just 'done' with it?"
First, we have to tackle the premise that there are "right and wrong" ways to do things, "good and bad" ways of being.
Seeking closure, forgiveness, or absolution from a partner is futile unless you are willing to offer such things to yourself.
Otherwise, it's reliving of the same old pattern that probably ruined the relationship in the first place: looking to someone or something outside of yourself for validation.
This is not to say that emotionally honest conversations cannot be fruitful, even cathartic.
But before approaching the notion of "amends" you must be aware of the vibe you are bringing to the conversation, and your ultimate goal in seeking contact.
Many of us seek amends because we think we are looking for closure, but we are actually hoping to repair something well enough to open it up again.
If you are secretly hoping for reconciliation, your partner may sense this is the underlying agenda, and make themselves unavailable.
If you are struggling with this, I make a few recommendations on how you might begin to shift your feelings about it.
Watch the video to explore this topic further!
WANT TO LEARN MORE?
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In love and abundance,
Briana MacWilliam ATR-BC, LCAT
Licensed and Board Certified Creative Arts Therapist
Author, Educator and Reiki Practitioner