[Insecure Attachment] What Attracts Avoidant Partners in Relationship?
If you are an Open Heart struggling with anxious attachment, and find yourself beating your head against a wall, trying to understand why and how your more avoidant, Rolling Stone partner could do the things they do, you are going to be interested in today’s topic.
Today's video was inspired by the question...
"What does an avoidant partner gain from the relationship?"
Individuals with avoidant attachment typically have rigid but fragile boundaries. While they may appear aloof and disconnected, still waters often run very deep.
In the Rolling Stone's past experience, the pleasure of relationship has not been worth the cost.
And so, while a Rolling Stone might allow themselves a period of time in which they can enjoy the romantic perfume of emotional connection and supportive relationship, in time, these underlying beliefs and fears about what it really means to be connected (i.e. a loss of personal freedom and ultimate self-abandonment) will switch on, like a fan whirring in the background.
For some, they may be aware of this mechanism, and they would more likely fall into the "fearful avoidant" category.
For others, they may have no awareness of this, and dismiss their mysterious change of heart as an unexplainable loss of "chemistry", or perhaps they will search for evidence of flaws in their partner, to explain why they suddenly feel bored, smothered, or uninterested. This is closer to what we might describe as "dismissive avoidance."
But what an avoidant partner--what I call a Rolling Stone--gets out of a relationship is the same thing that everyone does...a sense of connection, validation, inspiration, and comfort. They are just as excited as anyone else to see themselves reflected in your gaze and feel the regard they have for you in return.
Their beliefs about the shelf-life for such a thing, however, differ immensely.
To explore this further, checkout the video!
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In love and abundance,
Briana MacWilliam ATR-BC, LCAT
Licensed and Board Certified Creative Arts Therapist
Author, Educator and Reiki Practitioner