Insight vs Conscious Love & How to Tell The Difference
Updated: Sep 17, 2019
In this clip we discuss the insight vs. conscious love and how to tell the difference.
Because it is not always easy.
If we are defining Consciousness as the ability to assume an observer position in the internal world, as much as in the external world, then we are essentially defining Consciousness as a measure of free will: the ability to choose how to respond to things.
And so, to be conscious in a relationship is to hold a loving position, regardless of where your partner may be in their process.
“I love you because I am love, and nothing you could say or do could detract from what I find valuable and lovable about you, or what I find valuable or lovable about me.”
If we are to say...
“I cannot grow unless my partner grows, and continuing to love them is unhealthy and holding me back.”
Then you are actually still in an unconscious position, as we are defining it, and you are equating love with need satisfaction. Staying or going is not necessarily what will get you “unstuck.” Nor is your partner changing themselves. It is how you manage your internal responses to your environment.
And that’s okay too, because that is where you are in your process, and that is information worth investigating.
So, then, we must define being unconscious, as lacking in free will. Which is to say we are operating from a place of automation. We do not recognize our own power and authority in our own lives.
Perhaps we were not taught and thus have not cultivated the tools that we need to assume responsibility for ourselves, without succumbing to survival fears, which are at the basis of all insecure attachment styles.
And so, we might describe the unconscious thought to be,
“I cannot be happy unless you do what will make me happy. And if you cannot do what will make me happy, then I cannot love you. If you do not fulfill my needs, then I have no use for you. You are not lovable to me.”
This is like when someone says, “Well, if I can't have all of you, I'll have none of you. I have enough friends.”
“I cannot be happy unless you do what would make me happy. And if only I could make myself good enough, then perhaps I can inspire you to become what I want you to be. And if you are not succeeding in what I want you to be, then I must have failed in loving you in some fashion. I must be deficient in some way. Because you have this power over me, so why don't I have this power over you. I must remain with you, no matter what, to prove my unconditional love, because only then will I be worthy. And I will finally know my own worth, when you finally change.”
This is in essence a form of bondage. And it's ego attachment, tied up in biological attachment.
To learn more, check out the video! And leave your comments in the thread below.
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(P.S. Replays will be made available)
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Licensed and Board Certified Creative Arts Therapist
Author, Educator and Reiki Practitioner