Power Hungry & Emotionally Unavailable (Starved) in Love
Have you ever found yourself caught in a power struggle with your partner? Each of you wants to be the right and good “truth teller” of the relationship, but the more you assert your position, the more alienated and disconnected from each other you feel?
Inside, you are crying and feeling lost and lonely for your partner, but when you get together, its like you have to armor up.
When individuals find themselves caught in insecure relationship dynamics, it's usually because both partners feel powerless to change their circumstances and experience the happiness they crave, and so they respond fearfully and defensively to one another.
Thus, when we operate from a fear-based place, we wind up behaving in a manner that is power hungry. When you are power hungry, you cannot let your guard down, and so you are also completely emotionally unavailable, which leaves all parties involved, starved for love.
Part of the joy of being in partnership is experiencing the reciprocation of warm and loving feelings, and knowing what it is to be acknowledged, loved and accepted.
When we are overly dependent on a partner to bolster our own sense of self esteem and inherent value, however, to be our connection to our own source energy and sense of vitality, that means feeling good about oneself becomes conditional, and circumstantial. And we cannot truly control how someone else feels about us, what they do, or a variety of other mitigating factors, in any given circumstance.
If we continue to operate from the premise that you must have the most perfect partner to feel the best you can feel, one of two things eventually happens:
Eventually, partners will begin to express emotional unavailability, as a means of managing their risk and avoiding being blamed or criticized for failing in their “job”, which would create conflict in a relationship.
Or, they will become over controlling and sometimes over-giving, in an attempt to re-establish connection with a partner, because they actually feel quite powerless and emotionally starved.
In either case, both are trying to assert a sense of power and agency in the best way they know how, because they are trying to feed their attachment hunger; which is the voice of our primitive limbic brain telling us that we need to act a certain way, to get our survival needs met.
And so, in today’s video, we dig into why and how that happens, and 3 “myths” or false premises we may be operating under, in these circumstances.
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In love and abundance,
Briana MacWilliam ATR-BC, LCAT
Licensed and Board Certified Creative Arts Therapist
Author, Educator and Reiki Practitioner